Simply Op

08/09/2026 When I first moved to Southern California, I had gotten plugged in at Mesa Church. I served behind the scenes on Sundays preparing coffee for the congregation. After a prolonged period of service, I stepped down from the hospitality team. Now, it is hard for me to pinpoint and recall why I made the choice to step away. I suspect I was experiencing burnout from work-life (cue withdrawing), still searching for meaningful connections my age (versus the superficial known), and seeking change (exploring). After leaving Mesa Church, I attended other churches consistently… rarely to miss a Sunday service (e.g., St. Andrews Presbyterian, Mariners Church, Saddleback Church, CDM Community Church, Compass Bible Church, CrossLife Bible Church, etc.). I appreciated the quality sermons, singing along to worship music, and opportunities for reflection. Despite showing up, I had a really hard time finding a place to belong. I was kindly greeted, but the exchanges never really went beyond the “hi, welcome”. I was not adopted. There was no one walking alongside me to help me find community. One could say, showing up was not enough and perhaps I should have been more active in my pursuit. After attending the Christmas Eve Service at Mariners Church by myself in 2024, I think I accidentally traumatized myself. I had never felt more alone and more unknown than I did sitting in that church surrounded by what felt like millions of families. I did not regularly step foot into a church again after that. I purchased a daily Bible reading guide and tried to keep my faith alive on my own. Lol, I did well for 6-months and then one day I just stopped. Deep down, I was quite possibly mad at God for giving me more alone that I could bare and for keeping the plan for my life so reliant on trust only. In college, I was exposed to faith. Then, as an adult living in South Carolina, I was re-baptized. I had experienced the benefits of prayer, small groups, serving, and community; I know it exists and it is fruitful.

When I stepped back into Mesa Church today, I was not sure how I would feel. I immediately saw the elderly man who had taught me how to make coffee for a large group of people. He let me follow him around like a puppy for weeks until I understood what I was doing. The greeter recognized me (and vice versa). From a distance, I could identify a few check-point people… those people who serve the church committedly and never miss a Sunday. I had missed the act of singing to worship music… the lyrics alone to sometimes comfort the soul. As I sat alone, I wondered if I had made a mistake (not serving, trying different churches). It made me tear up (seemingly my response to everything right now). I missed the old me… the one that loved going to church, loved new people, and had a growth-mission mindset. Now, I just feel very broken.

During the sermon, I took notes (lol, missed the act of church notetaking and doodling). The guest pastor said, “God doesn’t save you for you. Your breakdown could be someone else’s breakthrough.” Besides feeling bad for not actively serving (love serves), it was that line that hit me. It was that line that I held onto. Maybe my experience with loneliness and my suffering over the past couple of years… will still be used to help someone else. Maybe.

In the meantime, hopefully this post will inspire you to serve in some capacity, encourage you to step foot in a place that you haven’t in a while, or just serve as a reminder that not all walks of faith are linear.

With Love,
Simply Op
xoxo