Simply Op

In case you do not want to read all of my goodbye posts, I created a recap list of all of my favorite and frequented OC spots below:

• Dana Point Harbor (Dana Point, CA)
• Woodbridge Lake (Irvine, CA)
• Segerstrom Center for the Arts (Costa Mesa, CA)
• Huntington Beach Pier (Huntington Beach, CA)
• Los Rios Street (San Juan Capistrano, CA)
• San Clemente Pier (San Clemente, CA)
• Citrus Ranch Park (Tustin, CA)
• Corona Del Mar (Corona Del Mar, CA)
• Old Town Tustin (Tustin, CA)
• Downtown Orange (Orange, CA)
• Fashion Island (Newport Beach, CA)
• Montage (Laguna Beach, CA)
• Top of the World (Laguna Niguel, CA)
• The Back Bay (Newport Beach, CA)
• Seal Beach Pier (Seal Beach, CA)
• Irvine Regional Park (Orange, CA)
• Newport Beach Public Library (Newport Beach, CA)
• Balboa Peninsula (Newport Beach, CA)
• AMC Theater at The District (Tustin, CA)
• The Camp & Lab Anti-Mall (Costa Mesa, CA)
• Strand Beach (Dana Point, CA)
• Newport Coast Community Center (Newport Beach, CA)
• Balboa Peninsula (Newport Beach, CA)
• Coffee Ventures (Orange County, CA)
• Irvine Farmers Market (Irvine, CA)
• SOCO & The OC Mix (Costa Mesa, CA)

The Why Goodbye

To choose California or to choose family (Midwest)
For the answer I searched, like a year+ long quest
In my heart, the answer I knew all along
Chronic loneliness sending signals, can’t connect here, don’t belong
I watered and watered… the garden just never grew
Each season, having to start over, anew
Sat at church by myself on Sunday for years
Asking God for help, guidance, to hold thy tears
Navigating when and how to let go
I just didn’t know, I just didn’t know
In one hand, I held the California dream that I had worked so hard for
A leadership role, coastal beach living, access to everything I could need and more
A perpetual vacation feel
Encompassing sunny weather, walkability, cafe culture, and landscape appeal
In that same hand, I carried professional burnout with a mental health impact
High rent, lostness, and isolation despite crowds as a matter of fact
Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years alone… I never wanted that fate
No longer trusting people to stay (or show up), to runaway post date
Switch hands, I cherished my parents and where I grew up
Think rural charm, four seasons, the potential for a pup
Country bike rides, food from the garden, campfires with smores
A slower pace, lightning bugs, and plenty of outdoor chores
Wondered if the California city girl is really me
Or if the smalltown version is deep down the one I have always been meant to be
People ask me why, to leave, so afraid
Well, I broke the first time that I had this same decision made
Cue anxiety, doubt, uncertainty, and intense fear of regret
Emotions mixing, surfacing, too many unmet
A heart torn (in two places), an overwhelmingly big decision
To make alone with no clear next step, reassurance, or vision
Living in California, I have grown in numerable ways
Collected moments, photos for days
It is my hope that someday my California battle with loneliness will be seen as a gift
That I can help others, look back with healing and all of the hurt will lift
Southern California, I know there is so much I am going to miss
And I am thankful for the time we have left together before I depart to reminisce!

Love,
Op
xoxo

[Goodbye CA Blog Series Completed]