Simply Op

Hard walking a path, I tried to leave 
Really needed to just let go, just grieve 
Wish the tears, I would have let fall 
Wish, in my phone contacts, I would have had someone left to call 
Born to listen, always lending an ear 
Left alone, a cry for help that no one seemed to hear 
Asking the wrong questions, loneliness narrative all along 
I can’t connect, duration of stay, where to belong 
Overthinking the path ahead
Weekends, a mix of contentment and dread 
Emotions coexisting, lending to confusion 
Gratitude like an unwelcome intrusion 
Patients with Autism, like friends meanwhile 
True rapport, always there to elicit a smile 
Inner critic, says am I doing enough?
Leadership and communication care, high expectations, tough 
Lostness, hah, real 
Anxiety and fear, not to disappear once you heal 
The patterns ingrained, hard to break 
When the past contains hurts, one cannot shake 
People see independence, people see kind 
People see success, a sense of humor to find 
Broken, heart walls higher than they have ever been before 
Losing battles to my nervous system, my mind, score
It was my narrative to write, thought I finally had it figured out 
Unprepared for the panic, emotional flood, second-guessing self-doubt 
Committed to survive, stood up to the task 
Put on a smile, performed well with a mask 
Ensured no one felt misunderstood, uncared for, or unseen 
Mission mindset switch, heavy lesson carried well, I glean  
To let life flow… repeat, repeat, repeat 
Unknown future release, rest, take a seat!

xoxo 

Comment: Someone asked me about my patients recently and I responded… they are the closest thing I have to a family or a friend. They make me laugh (daily), challenge me to do things differently, have taught me more about being human than most people, and are gifted in so many ways. They are the reason that I think I am still here (in CA).