Simply Op

01/31/26 This weekend, I finished reading The Let Them Theory written by Mel Robbins. This book contains an assortment of solid life lessons… lessons that I am currently learning or that I have already learned the hard way. It was nice to be reminded that I am not the only adult who is hardwired for control, can experience emotions like a child, and who struggles with the reality of adult friendships. I liked learning about the three invisible pillars of friendship (proximity, timing, and energy), the significant number of random thoughts we have each day, and the estimated number of hours required for establishing a friendship. The practice of “Let Them and Let Me” was applied to a variety of life circumstances. The book was written to be empowering and informative. Overall, I would highly recommend it. 

Mel Robbins Quote(s) 
– “… action is the answer (small consistent action). Thinking about problems will never solve them… It taught me that no one is going to save you. You must save yourself from yourself.” 
– (waiting for the right time, to feel ready or a little less afraid) “The problem with waiting is no one is coming. The only permission you need is your own.” 
– “No, I learned everything the hard way– by screwing up my own life and then having to fix it.” 
– “It’s about a fundamental law of human nature: all human beings have a hardwired need for control. We all have an innate desire to control everything about our lives: our time, our thoughts, our environment, our plans, our future, our decisions, our surroundings. Feeling in control makes you feel comfortable and safe… You will never be able to control or change another person. The only person you are in control of is you.”
– “Let Me… be more proactive about reaching out to people, invite, throw a party, prioritize my social life, etc.” 
– “Let Them and Let Me” 
– “When you’re an adult, your life, happiness, health, healing, social life, friendships, boundaries, needs, and success are all your responsibility (no one is coming to rescue you)… True power lies in your response. You are capable of creating anything that you want if you are willing to put the time and energy into working for it.” 
 – “The more you let other people live their lives, the better your life gets.” 
– “…trying to manage someone else, or a situation that is beyond your control, is only going to cause you more stress.”
– “You can make a difference.” 
– “Talk is cheap. If it really bothers you, dedicate some time and energy into changing it.”
– “Your body’s stress response is automatic… You can’t control the emotions that rise up inside of you. But you can learn how to reset your stress response so your emotions don’t hijack you.” 
– “Your power is in controlling your response to the other person’s behavior, to the annoying situation, and to the emotions that you feel.” 
– “Fearing what other people think, or trying to control their thoughts, is a complete waste of time… The average human being has about 70, 000 thoughts a day. Most of which are random and cannot be controlled.” 
– “The reality is adults are as emotional as children.” 
– “Emotions are just a burst of chemicals in your brain … absorbed into your body within six seconds. Emotional reactions happen so fast, they can often be unconscious.” 
– “Research shows that most emotions will rise up, and then fall away within 90 seconds, if you don’t react to them.”
– “You can’t let emotions drive your decisions, because they will often stop you from making the right decisions.”
– “It’s not your job to protect everybody else from feeling emotions. Your job and responsibility is to live your life in a way that is aligned with your values, and what you know deep down is true for you. Sometimes that’s going to hurt someone. It’s going to disappoint them. It’s going to cause pain or heartbreak knowing that your decision will hurt someone else– and it’s going to be one of the hardest things you’re going to do in life.”
– “…negative emotions are a mentally healthy response to life’s upsets.”
– “… being happier requires you to allow yourself to be happier.” 
– “The reality is adult friendships come and go.”
– “… Proximity, timing, and energy. These pillars are the invisible foundation every friendship is built on.”
– “According to the university of Kansas study, to become a ‘casual’ friend, you have to spend 74 hours with someone. And to become a ‘close’ friend, you have to spend over 200 hours with someone.” 
– “Adult friendships require flexibility. That’s why it’s usually not personal when people come in and out of your life.”
– “The habit of going first.” 
– “Loneliness is real, but you’re not stuck there.”
– “You have been approaching adult friendship the same way you did as a kid– you just expected it to happen. The Let Them Theory empowers you to stop expecting friendship to happen and to take responsibility for creating it.” 
– “The connection you have with another person never actually breaks. It’s just the proximity and timing that makes you lose touch with them. So, it’s never too late to reconnect with old friends and this is completely in your control.”
– “Good friends make you happier, healthier, and bring your life meaning.” 
– “You deserve an amazing love story and you should never settle for less than that kind of love.”  
– “ABC loop: apologize (ask open-ended questions), back off (and observe their behavior), celebrate progress while you continue to model change.”